joey bologna

Josephine starts daycare Monday.  She's scared to go to "school" and I'm sad she is scared.  She picked out a new lunch box yesterday.

Joey calls all juice apple juice unless it's the carton in the fridge that my sister buys for herself, that one is called pineapple juice.
She likes to tell you exactly when she'd like to do something.  Later. Right Now. Usually, Right Now!
The sleeping in her own bed thing is slow going but I'm OK with that. 
We went to an aviary last weekend and it was better than Disney World for Josephine.  She would like to go back there Right Now!
Other magically wonderful places she'd like to go to Right Now!:

• The "swings and slides" at the playground of the new elementary school down the road.
• The grocery store
• Outside to play baseball
• Down stairs to watch Mickey Mouse
• The garage to get some "apple" juice (usually the V8 fusion juices)
• The beach

I've been writing my Life List. Please write one too and share it with me, I'd love to be inspired by the things you want to do. I'm putting my up in a tab that you can click on if you wish.

to sleep

Remember when I spent a night in Denver a month back? I went out with my girlfriend that night and when we got back to the hotel I saw Josephine was sleeping in the giant comfortable bed with my parents and the teeny tiny lumpy pull-out couch was all set up for my friend and I.  I decided that I'd let Josephine stay in her luxurious sleeping arrangements rather than have her kick me and my friend in the head all night. That night was the first night she has ever slept without me in bed with her. 
Sure, she's fallen asleep with other people before, she's even woken up with my sister a couple of times when I had an early morning class one semester, but she had never spent the entire night without pressing her head on my shoulder for a snuggle and then flipping around and rabbit kicking me in the gut or back of the head.
Josephine has her own bed, a beautiful wooden bed that my grandfather made for me when I was that little.  She naps in her own bed wonderfully but when I bring up spending the night in her own bed she gets sad and I love my snuggles.
Last night the idea of earning a treat was enough to try sleeping in her own bed all night.  She made it to 5:30.
I got much less sleep because I was constantly checking to see if her door was open or if she was wondering around confused and tired.  Also, I missed my snuggles.

late night ramble

Sometimes Josephine puts something over her face, a hat that is too big or a sweater I've left out, and then she spins and walks around the living room until she crashes into the coffee table. I have no idea how she figured out to do this, but she thinks it is HILARIOUS. Sometimes I do too.

We've been extra whiny over here lately, extra cry-e and scream-y too. One particularly bad day had me putting Josephine on my bed a few times so she could have some time alone to calm down and selfish mama could watch Revolutionary Road in peace since Netflix sent it over a week ago(did not like it, but kinda liked, but not really, would not watch again). Anywho, Josephine finally figured out that she doesn't have to stay on the bed. She knows how to get down, but she never does...until now. Now she gets out immediately if she is awake. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Plus side: she doesn't cry for me to come get her anymore after a nap or in the morning, she just gets up and walks out to the living room. Negative side: no more quiet time on the bed when she is awake, and this hasn't happened yet, but what if I'm down stairs when she wakes up from a nap and she panics?

School starts Monday. I have a pretty full schedule, mostly night classes and one 7:30am class. I've conned my sister into watching Josephine those mornings...sucker.
I'm flying to Minnesota again in October to be in my best friend's wedding. I don't know if I'm going to take Josephine though...I'm very conflicted and if you want to chime in with some advice I'd love to hear it.

So, if I take the baby then I'd probably rent a car and car seat which would be a little more money than taking a shuttle from the airport but not much. I would have to pawn her off on someone while I stand up in the wedding (she HATES strangers) and I couldn't stay out too late at the reception because I'd have to go back to the hotel with a tired baby...also I'd have to stay pretty sober in that case.

If I don't bring her along my milk will likely (possibly?) dry up and she will have a few days (3-4) with no mama and no nursing for the first time in her short little life. The thought of climbing into bed without her makes me tear up a bit, but maybe it would be good for her to have to fall asleep without me there? I don't like the idea of forcing her to wean, but then again I *might* be able to pick up where I left off when I get home.

**she just woke up and walked out here...I think I like that she doesn't just sit in bed and cry for me.**

Does it sound like I'm deciding between being buzzed in a taxi vs. taking care of my daughter? Gah! It's just that the logistics of traveling with a baby are more complicated than without one...and how I enjoy the wedding reception will be different depending on whether or not I have a baby on my hip...and papa thinks everyone will be just fine if I leave Josephine with him and grandma...and I'll shut up now.

Change the subject already-

We've been swimming at a fantastic aquatic center in town lately. Josephine loves it and I do too. It is built with toddlers in mind, lots of shallow water and a few sprinklers and slides. There are things for bigger kids to play on too, but the best part is how much space is designed for babies. The aquatic center closes around labor day and thinking about how soon that is makes me a little sad.
I am going to try very hard to make sure that we get at least one more swim in this season and I'll hopefully remember my camera.

maybe she thought i needed a shower?

I slept on a towel again last night. Or, I suppose, really it was this morning that I had to lay a towel down in my bed. Hadn't had to do that since the great poop shoot party of 2008.
Thank the baby-poop gods that this time was much more sanitary than sleeping on poop.
Around 5 this morning Josephine got up and found the cup of water I have on the desk at the end of my bed. She wanted to give my a drink. She's really sweet, always always finding something to give to whomever else is in the room.
So, I had a cold glass of water poured down my front and all over my mattress at 5am. Then Josephine rolled around for about an hour asking for more water and a maybe a piece of candy from grandma's candy bowl...

Josephine Update

Things have been pretty wild here lately. Josephine is one of the most rambunctious babies I've ever met. She is incredibly trusting of her mama, to the point where she'll back flip off the couch into my lap without any prompting...or even checking that I'm still there to catch her. She's happy to spend all evening running full speed into the couch, and then into me, and then into the dog. She loves showing off how she can balance on a box and jump off all by herself, and it's even more fun when she doesn't land on her feet!
You'd never know all of this if I didn't tell you, she is still awfully shy around strangers. Even more so around men (excluding papa) no matter how many times she's met them.
I started bringing her to the nursery at church a few weeks ago but I always staid in there with her. Slowly she spent more and more time exploring the toys and less time crawling up my leg. Last Sunday I dropped her off and left to join my family in the sanctuary. When I came in at the end of service she was playing nicely on the floor, looked up at me and burst into tears. I was told she only cried for a minute while I was gone; I guess when I came back in she remembered that Oh Yeah, Mama Left Me and she was not happy. It was real sobbing, tears, clinging to my neck like a little koala... She wouldn't let me put her down for the rest of the afternoon.
On one hand, I want her to start being more comfortable with new situations and not having me around 24/7 so that I can take more classes and work more hours while leaving her with a friend/babysitter. On the other hand, My Baby! Oh don't cry Baby! I'm so sorry, I'll never leave you Again!
I love watching Josephine try on new hats...I don't mean dress up, though that's fun too. I mean, one moment she my little book worm and the next she a scientist exploring the wonders of nature (and every night she's an Olympic gymnast). Sometimes she will "read" to herself, but usually she brings a book over and thrusts it in your lap. She recognizes cat and meows at the picture, she know dog and pets the page. She floats her hand through the air at air plane, and gives a big sniff and a satisfying ahhhh when she turns the page to flower. She knows which page has the Pat-a-cake rhyme on it and makes sure that is the one you are reading. My favorite though, is that she knows all the parts to 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, complete with falling down and then holding her head like she's hurt...
Even though today it's snowing like it's winter or something, yesterday was warm and sunny and mostly green outside. We were tromping around the yard and enjoying the sun when she put on her scientist hat. I was pretty much only making sure she wasn't running out into the street and keeping her from eating any dog poop, she was pretty much ignoring me. I saw her pick up a piece of wood from the garden and place in on the front step. A few minutes later she was inspecting a leaf and ran up the driveway to place it next to the wood chip. I asked her if she was starting a collection, she replied eh. Next was a single blade of grass that seemed to be chosen quite deliberately out of the millions in front of her.
Most nights she still wakes up a few times. It's pretty annoying, yeah, but sometimes it's kinda funny. She doesn't lie there and cry, she stands up and falls on top of me, mutiple times. Last night was really sweet though, she stood up and plopped onto my chest but didn't make it over because of a pillow in her way. She wriggled around for a few second and finally settled herself back to sleep, curled up like a kitten on my chest. She staid there for several minutes before rolling back to the mattress. Best several minutes I've had in a long time.

Month 12

birthday pie
Originally uploaded by wi77ow

12 months

Nicknames: Scooter, Turkey legs, Stinky McGillicutty,
Favorite foods: avocado, yogurt, scrambled eggs, cheese, chocolate, cheerios, boob, superfood juice
Favorite tricks: dancing, walking backwards, spin in circles, singing, undoing diapers, pretending to read, pretending to talk on the phone
Thoroughly uninterested in: television, small chairs
Unfortunate common occurrence: tripping
Worst habit: never sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a time
Best habits: kissing, babbling on and on
Favorite places to be: by the door someone just came in so you can play with the snow from their boots, lying down by the coffee table so you can peek at us through the legs, on my hip.

Josephine, this has been the fastest year of my life. I’m at a loss as to how I’m supposed to sum up this past month in this letter, let alone your first year. I do have one thing going for me this morning though, you actually have given me three nights in a row with 5 straight hours of wonderful sleep.

Your aunt Sarah came home from school a week ago and to all of our surprise you reached for her immediately and never looked back. Even though you hadn’t seen her in almost 5 months, you must remember her because you will not allow strangers to touch you. You still are cautious around your uncle Josh and he comes over about once a week.

This isn’t your first winter, but it’s the first winter you might be able to enjoy. I searched and searched for a snowsuit that was waterproof and didn’t have feet so you could use your own boots, and oh yeah, one that would fit a one year old and wasn’t $100+. I guess most babies your size aren’t allowed to walk in the snow? I don’t know but I finally found one and it’s a little big, but it does the job and you think the snow is awesome. You were born in a snowstorm, maybe that says something.

So you are a whole year old now baby. I didn’t throw you a grand birthday party with balloons and streamers, and I didn’t make a cake and take pictures of you smearing it on your face. You’ve had cake before and you were wearing a white dress so you only got a few toddler snacks while the rest of us had a berry pie I made instead. It was a nice day in the end, we sang, opened presents and for dinner we went to a friend’s house where you had the best time feeding their dog every last one of your cheerios. Unfortunately the day started a little rough because you got your 12 month immunizations in addition to a super fun iron test and flu shot. Then! There was a super awesome snow storm the night before and the roads were so bad that the 2 mile drive from the clinic to our house took about 30 minutes. We got stuck in the middle of the road several times and I had to maneuver and spin the tires this way and that while all these SUVs drove past and you screamed the whole time. Happy Birthday!

This month has been a little extra stressful for me. I am trying to sign up for some classes which means that I would have to leave you with someone else for part of the day. Even though you are a charmer and everyone wants to play with you, you are very anxious around strangers. I’ve left you with your aunts, grandma and papa a few times and you do fine for a short amount of time but even though I appreciate a break now and then, I hate walking out the door without you.

When I’m not freaking out about how many hours I have to be away from you, I’m freaking out about how you just dove head first into the coffee table again. (I bought you a pretty, retro icepack for your birthday.) You try everyday to break your personal speed record by picking up something you know you shouldn’t have and sprinting to the next room. Sometimes the coffee table, couch, dog, or a rogue shoe gets in your path and all 22 lbs bounces and rolls across the room. Fortunately, you usually think it’s pretty funny.

No matter what stresses have come this year, I would take them all times 10 if I had to because the joy you bring me trumps them all.

(video of 13 pictures: first one is Josephine 3 days old and every one after was taken on the 23rd of each month)

11 months

elf
Originally uploaded by wi77ow

Dear Josephine, dear dear Miss Josephine,
I am so tired.
The end.

Ok, no, I can write more, but seriously baby, Mama is tired.

When a woman is pregnant her body does some amazing things to prepare for her baby’s arrival. It stretches in ways you wouldn’t believe, it nourishes and protects the growing baby, and it prepares to produce milk when the baby arrives. There is one other little know miracle that the mother’s body performs while gestating though, her brain starts melting. It’s true, a part of the mother’s brain turns into a puddle that sloshes around for a while before leaking out of the tear ducts the next time she watches a commercial with a happy ending. It’s the part that remembers the difficult and horrible times of labor and also parenthood.

If a mother’s brain could remember how painful labor is she would never have more children, but a few weeks or months postpartum and she is looking back at labor like it was a stubbed toe. If a mother could recall every exhausting 2am, 3am, 3:30am, 4am…waking, and every tantrum at the grocery, and every hours long crying session then I think there would be a babies category on EBay.

This brain melting is so very important though, for survival and for sanity. Luckily the part of the brain that remembers the good times swells to fill the space of the puddle. I know that I’ve wanted nothing more than for you to please sleep one more hour, but when we get ready to go to bed the next night I’m not dreading waking up seven times, I’m looking forward to the morning when you’ll pull my face to yours and give me kisses to wake me up. That’s your new thing, kissing, you kiss everyone and everything. Even right now you are sitting on my lap as I type this and you are leaning back every few seconds to give me a kiss. I like this new game. A lot. It might not be the best idea to put your mouth on everything during cold season, but it’s awfully cute. You kiss the dog, your toys, even papa’s scruffy face, and when there’s nothing right near by you sometimes stop in your tracks, bend down, and kiss the carpet. I will really miss this when you stop.

When we get ready to run errands in town I’m not worried that you’ll throw another tantrum when I don’t let you run free and clean off the shelves at Target (even though you probably will). Instead, I smile thinking about how you love to sing as loud as you can while sitting in the cart and everyone in the store stops to tell me what a wonderful baby I have. They don’t even know how wonderful you really are.

There have been days when I would have given my right arm if I could get a babysitter for one hour. I just want to spend a little uninterrupted time organizing computer files or picking up our room without you following behind undoing everything I set straight. One day I got my “wish” and even got to keep my arm. Grandma watched you while I went to see the new James Bond movie. I spent most of the movie thinking about you and absolutely not relaxing. You may be exhausting but you are also so delightful and I miss you every moment you aren’t around.
You are quite rambunctious now. I have spent time with babies before and usually the boys are wilder than the girls. You break that stereotype, shatter it, you are only getting bandages and icepacks for Christmas. You really like to spin until you fall over, which is pretty funny to watch. Sometimes you don’t even bother to spin, you just belly flop right where you are standing. Then other times you try to run as fast as you can through the living room and crash into the couch or a pillow on the floor. You are really good on your feet but you still manage to trip every once in a while and knock your head on the coffee table.

You LOVE dancing to any and every beat. There are the obvious times to dance like when you push the buttons on one of your noisy toys or when mama is watching that Beyonce video again, and the less obvious, like the beat of the security alarm at the mall, which you’ve rocked out to in the shopping cart many times.

You can’t stay still for very long, nor do you even want to. You even walk around when you have a book open and are “reading” the page with the cat and dog on it over and over.
But it’s at night when you really show off your inability to slow down. Even in your sleep you keep going and going. I’ve witnessed you laugh and smile in your sleep for months now, but recently you’ve also lifted your head to give the air a kiss before lying back down. It was precious, as was the time you reached out one hand very deliberately, pinch two fingers together and bring them to your mouth. You were dreaming about having a snack and you gave a big smile “eating” your treat. It’s terribly cute how you dream, but oh how I wish you would just sleep through the night. Like I said before, I’m so veryzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

6 months

She wakes up a few times in the night, technically it's morning, but she's the only one that wants to be up. Usually sometime between 3 and 5 am I look over to her tossing and turning in her bed and her head pops up as she whips around to look at me as if she sensed I was now awake. I'm greeted by a giant smile on her face and a small giggle, she's ready to play. I shush her, nurse her, and if she isn't asleep after that, I let her lay in the crook of my arm as she half sings, half cries, herself to sleep again.

8am, the sun is shining through the windows and with her eyes still squeezed tightly shut she starts grunting and thrashing, she's hungry. I nurse her and she is sound asleep again, breakfast in bed, she has no idea how good she has it.

I get up for the day, pour a cup of coffee and while my computer is starting up I walk back into the bedroom to find her looking around on her back. When she sees me she kicks and squeals and starts a song that I call her good-morning song, a series of Oohs and Aahs interrupted by a giggle here and there. I lay down next to her until she finishes, she grabs at my face to acknowledge my presence but avoids looking at me until the song is done.

She sits next to me on the couch while I start my coffee and within a few minutes she's reclining into my side, my arm around her, watching the news with me and singing out to the ceiling. Sometimes she takes a brake from exercising her vocal cords to try an fit her feet in her mouth.

When she starts to get restless I sit her on the floor and, after a quick scan of the room, she crawls strait toward the pile of magazines by the coffee table, most of them wrinkled and puckered from previous mouthings.

After lunch I can see in her face that she is ready for a nap but she has other ideas. She is tired of all the toys I offer and cries real tears when I set her down. To calm her I sing a song that always brings a smile to her face:

Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap)

Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap)

I'd go slidey slidey slidey, Over Josephine's body

Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap (bar of soap!)

I tickle her when I sing "slidey slidey slidey" and she's not upset anymore, but still tired. I hold her close with one hand and prop open a book with the other and read out loud until she is asleep on my shoulder.



It's late in the afternoon but still too early to start worrying about dinner so we go explore the back yard. I sit her in a shady spot on the grass; the grass has never bothered her bare feet and legs. I lay down next to her in the sun and watch her fumble with a toy fish and a oak leaf she picked up, she is more interested in the leaf. Tomorrow I'll put some warm water in her pool and let her splash her energy out. She likes splashing and trying to catch the toys that go floating by, but the real reason I lather her in sunscreen, warm up the water, and lay out towels to sit on is so her grandmother can watch her "swim".



Earlier in the day I sat in the rocking chair with her in my lap. I was reading to her, hoping she'd fall asleep, but she was much more interested in trying to eat the book, then her feet. I sat quietly for a few minutes just looking at the back of her little brown fuzzy head, that head that is so soft and comforting when it nuzzles my shoulder and fits so perfectly under my chin it's as if it is a part of me rather than belonging to a separate being. I imagined brushing her hair back into a ponytail in preparation for her first day of school, and combing out the tangles after a bath, braiding it so it wouldn't be ratty in the morning. Maybe she'll want to keep it short when she's older, maybe it'll be curly, maybe she'll scream that I'm pulling too hard, and maybe she'll sit on my lap like this for years to come. I hope she does.



She falls asleep around 8pm but will wake up in about an hour so that I can change her into her night-time diaper, then she'll want to play and eat and finally fall back asleep in my lap as we watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report with Papa. She'll wake up around 3 again, and when she does I'll let her lay in the crook of my arm, her warm face on my skin, until she has fallen back to sleep.

neat stuff Thrusday!

So, I saw this first thing a while back and bookmarked it with the intention of sharing it with you all. Then a friend posted it on her blog and I was all Whaaaaaa? Get out of my head, mind reading sorceress!

Link

Since that idea was hijacked from my brain I'll come up with a second thing to share:

A story about a child that doesn't sleep. Suddenly Josephine's sleep regressions seem like a breeze.

Link

Finally, a picture that I have saved on my computer, but I don't remember where I found it.

And she is sleeping right now

Somebody slept through the night! (not me!) I have read somewhere that "sleeping through the night" to a pediatrician means sleeping 12am-5am. HA!
I didn't want to jinx it so I haven't mentioned that Josephine has been sleeping better this last week, mostly waking up once or twice again instead of 589million times. Then last night she slept from 10pm-630am. I am not even kidding.
I know you think this is probably as exciting to read as a post about what color my socks are, but I had to document this momentous occasion. When Josephine decides to punch me in the face by waking up every hour tonight I can come back a read this and remember that anything is possible!
Of course when you are used to nursing at least once or twice in the night and the baby sleeps through those feeding times, you wake up anyway because your boobs are so swollen they are wedged against the ceiling making it difficult to sleep.