On being a single parent

I need to rant a little. Publishing my rants on the Internet make me feel like maybe someone out there understands, empathizes even. Feel sorry for me damn it!

Now, I'm technically a single mother, primary caregiver, blah blah blah, but you all know that I live with my parents right now so it's not like I'm doing it all alone. I'll start off with the good things that come with being a single mother as well as being a single mother living with her parents...you know, so I don't come off as too big a complainer. Need to keep up my image!

I got to pick out the name. This was one was huge for me. I was thinking about names from the moment I saw the positive test, but I was nervous about sharing my ideas because I just knew that as soon as one person said "uh really?" I wouldn't be able to use that name and I would be CRUSHED. Josephine wasn't my first choice, but my first choice got leaked and first her father asked me if I was joking and then my mother made some comments and out the window it went.

Along with picking out the name, I get to make all the rules! I generally don't like to be in charge of everything. Hey, I'm totally a control freak in many situations, like in the kitchen, but there are always at least a few decisions I'd rather not make. Not so with Josephine, I love that I get to make every decision concerning how to raise her. I decide what she eats, wears, what her curfew will be, how she will be disciplined, etc. I know that in a healthy relationship, both parents make the decisions together and blah blah blah, but there are always times when one parent says A and the other parent says B and I don't have to deal with that right now. I know that if/when I get involved with someone later in life things will change, and I'm just not thinking about that right now. I'm the boss!

Living with my parents gives me the opportunity to be home with Josephine, nurse full time, cook dinner every night...instead of having to get to work right away and put my newborn in daycare. For that I'm so very blessed.

Now on to the bitching!

I have pretend babysitters. Everyone is so eager to play with Josephine and goes on and on about how they will be happy to babysit anytime I need it. yeah. In reality, the ladies of the house are always too tired to hold her while I eat, can't stand the crying, put diapers on sideways (seriously), try to play when she's trying to sleep, and it goes on and on and on and on... Sometimes I just say "thanks but, no thanks" and they are offended. They think they are being a huge help when sometimes they are more just in the way than anything. Weekends are the worst when they should be the best, but Josephine's schedule get so screwed up when everyone is home.

Then there are the comments. Yep, it's started and I don't see an end. Everyone knows what I should do to get her to sleep better, laugh more, cry less, etc, etc. Sometimes I say "this is how it is" and someone else says "but it should be like this". I'm caught between feeling like I'm supposed to walk around being grateful and spouting "thank you's", and wanting to stand up and shout "I'm the mama and I'm the boss!". I'm a little tense.

the end